This might not make total sense. Please be warned!!!
Dear brother,
I have struggled with this for so long now. I think it's time I let you know how I feel. In writing this, I hope to chase away the demons and actually let go. I must start by saying, I love you very much. I may not always say it, but I do. We always assume our siblings know that we love them, and that should not be the case. I'll say it again. I love you very much. Based on the things you allowed your wife to do to us, I have considered hating you or even her, but I refuse to. Although I must admit that there were times when I teeter dangerously close to the edge. Now we all know what volatile temperament I have- Once I turn my back on someone, that's it for them- but for some reason, with you, I can't. I wonder why.
Gosh this hurts so bad.
It hurts me when I find the courage to call you these days when I am so busy (don't cry Nefie, you weak idiot! Snap out of it, now! WTFrack is wrong with you? Ta lo gba bread e?! Grow a spine dhemmit! There, that's better! *excuse the madness, readers*) with my life. I mean, I could understand when I was a single girl, with nothing much on her plate but school and work. But these days when my life is just as hectic as yours (We practically do the same things for a living) and I find time to call you, you brush me off like I were some associate or assistant. I detest that. It hurts my feelings more than you know. You are the only living sibling that I have here, yet I hardly see you or hear from you.
I remember when I was really sick with that bladder problem, (After yourself and your wife succeeded in rendering me homeless) I saw you only after 2yrs amidst frantic calls from mother (and melodramatic threats of her cursing you). Are you really saying that you would have only come to identify my corpse if I hadn't made it? That hurt like hell. I really want to be able to forgive you for all the wrong you and your wife did me, but your wife had nothing to do with this, so I can't really blame her (Stop cryin! you spineless idiot! I hate you I hate you, you are so damn weak!) This is between me and you. I want to come see my nieces and nephew. I want to take them to 6flags and buy them ice cream. I want them to have sleep overs with their cuzins every 2 weeks. My husband thinks I have the heart of Jesus sometimes when you have an event, and I go all out for you. Why won't you do the same for me? It hurts more than you can imagine.
Mom and dad pester me to call you all the time, and because I am tired of hearing the same old lectures- "He is your brother and you can't throw him away", "You are the female, and you need to draw him closer" "Do not embarrass us"- I grudgingly put aside my pride and seal the wounds and reach out. However, you are eternally busy with one thing or the other. The fact that you only come by when mom and Dad are around is not funny or cute anymore. Why should you have to mapquest the route to your only sister's house. You live 15 minutes away! We both know why I don't feel comfortable at your house. Oh you don't know why? Well, the reason is because, every time I visit, I have memories of living with you guys, and feeling like a worthless piece of shit. It re-opens old wounds and makes it harder to forget. I am my own woman now. I've got my own life and my own challenges. I really want to forgive you, but you make it so much harder with the way you act towards me. Why do you hate me so much? What have I ever done to you? I have never once asked you for money. Even on those days back then, when all I had was 65 cents to buy a bar of snickers for breakfast and lunch. Not even when my sneakers were worn from trekking. Not even when I needed it for my books, not ever! I have done nothing to disrespect or hurt your wife. If I did, I would totally understand if you were trying to shut me out...
I need to take a break and get this crying outta my system. Yes I'm ashamed of it, so please don't rub it in...
Well, I didn't have the courage to continue, so here it is...
maybe I'll continue this, maybe I won't.
6 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Alive
6 years ago
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40 comments:
Don't cry again na... pleaseee.
I can relate to a family member shutting one out for no justifiable cause. Had an uncle once who did something similar to everyone inluding hos own mother! Ultimately u can only define your reaction to what others do, not change their action.
Err.. your parents know the extent of your bruv's behaviour?
Yeah. They treat him like he's a damn god or something. It pisses the hell out of me. He's never gonna change for this reason.
Hey such a sad story..but I understand. Unlike yourself I am the one not doing the reaching out. My brother's wife kicked me out during my university day and since I have built resentment towards them. I can't even say I have forgiven them though I'd like to believe I have. I hardly call them or ask about their kids. (I don't think that's nice) I keep asking God to help me move past the hurt since they are trying to relate to me since I made something of my life (My brother's and their wives wrote me of and practically called me all the names in the book in front of my parent. He even went as far ac changing the locks on his house the same day so I never really got my stuff. Lord help us
Dabizniz, that was me 9 yrs ago. I just left their house, and driving down the road where I trekked (I had to walk a good 45minutes to catch the bus every morning, and we left right around the same time) coupled with his attitude brought this on. I couldn't help it. It just hurts so bad!
I think you should get a gun...teach his wife a few lessons but dont listen to me, im under the influence.
I hear your pain, dont know wat to tel you to do, its fucked up but he is stll ur brother.
Which is even more fucked up.
Ahhh i so want to kick some ass for you!!!
My biggest anger is that they made you walk 45 mins ( i know im lazy like that)
Dont worry babes, You are better and bigger than him AND his wife.
Fuck them, dont let them get one more drop of tear from you, he doesnt deserve it.
Arrgghhhh i am so drinking panadol for ur headache.
Let me know if there is anything i can do for you...., i know some pple who know some pple lol
Luv ya babes.
Phoenix, make that 90 minutes (both ways) in sub-zero weather. I was a JJC at the time. It IS fracked up! (sorry, it's sunday. I have this weird thing about cursing on Sunday)
ohhhh Sistere, I am so sorry. It happened to me as well. Its him. Its just him. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. I wept and wept and wept and called and called and then I moved on. She came back after two years of not talking to me and I forgave her. But really really it isnt about you. Please dont work urself up and tell ur parents that you will not put urself down for him to hurt again. It will not happen. Never! You have to pick urself, he sure as hell is picking himself. Anyways I am sorry. BIG HUG
heh after casting and binding your pms spirits for your husbands sake I find you crying Big siS? Hush now and come and get a big hug...
Look your brother for whatever reason is not appreciating you and the effort you put in. Try one more time with all your prayer and hope behind it and lay it down on the line what you want and how you feel.
If he says nothing or worse mocks you for it and continues along this spineless path of his leave him be. I'm not saying cut him off but just leave him be...he will know when to find your house...the prodigal son always returns and when he does welcome him.
Otherwise inbox me his address, namea nd number ..I will dial my cousins whoa re posted everywhere and who specialise in setting wayward fools correct in their behaviour(boyfriends normally but they have been branching out to correct foolish siblings in 2009)
Much love and hugs to you Nefie!!
this isso motional...im one wu doesnt keep intouch generally even wiv my siblings and i knjow its bad but they are always in my heart,thotsand prayers...my bro is in uk and im in naija and we are quite close, i know it would hurt if anythn u described here happens with us cos he just got married and i cant imgine this nice woman he married ever turning out like tht, bt if it does, i will still love my brother period,filial love is usually unconditional...no matter wht ur family does to u , i think u should forgive and forget.
please don cry. just try and take things easy..i can't really relate becuase my brothers are the direct opposite, but i can imagine how it feels. he is still your brother at the end of the day. just continue being nice to him and try to forgive him. hopefully one day he ll open his eyes and see what he has been doing to you
PS: i didn't know you were married. Hope oga(your husband)is fine
Awwww, I'm so sorry that you're going thru that but you know sometimes as humans, we can only do so much. Sometimes, we have to step aside and let God deal with it. Just keep him in your prayers. And I know it hurts because even with 8 brothers, if 1 of them treats me such, I will be devastated but like I said, let go and let God deal with him for you.
awwwwwwww Big sister Nefertiti, i hope uve stopped crying.....big big cyber hugs...... u must have had a really horrible time... look at it this way, their behaviour made u stronger and made u more determined and you wouldnt have achieved so much. If you really dont wanna reach out, i think u should tell ur parents to back off. It doesnt mean u dont love him, it just means u dnt have to reach out to show u love him......... i hope one day he realises his mistakes and all...... take it easy dear, xxx
P.S just close your eyes for a min, imagine all of us on blogsville giving you a huge hug.
Pls dtop crying....,
It's so sad that sometimes our families are the most toxic people to us. Do the best u can to build a relationship with him. If he keeps hurting u or being nonchalant about it then leave it alone.
I suggest u write him a letter, like the one u wrote on here or have a sit down conversation with him.
*Hug*
i know kinda how u feel- my father does similar things
So does my dad
So ive known plenty of rejection
i havent figured out a way to make it not hurt
or to not care anymore
Sometimes tears are just the only relief (albeit temporary)
xo
Nefie, im glad uwrote this, and its out of ur system. i have heard many stories of people mistreating people that come to stay with them in this country - most especially family. yes, the worst of such treatments come from family.
dont let the hurt keep eating at you, just let it go.
i was very lucjy that the person i stayed with didnt treat me as such, and im not even related to them.
its all a learning experience, forgive him and move on (funny enogh, we just had a long back and forth about forgiving and forgetting in church)
I just had to write something here..I have the same love-hate relationship with my brother. We had a falling-out 6 yrs ago and though we are now civil, he still bears a grudge. The ultimate hurt was his not attending my 40th birthday last December so I wrote him a letter just like this and he sobered up real quick. Send this post (just as it is) to your bro. What do you have to lose?
Honey, if you're the only one reaching and reaching and no one is reaching back...stop. You can only do so much. When he's ready to repair your relationship, he'll come to you.
Wife your tears, Nefertiti, and move forward.
I mean...WIPE your tears.
Neertiti don't cry anymore! Thanks for sharing this with us. Hopefully our comments will warm you! It might sound like a cliche but people never appreciate what they have till they don't have it anymore (ie you stop stressing to try to establish a connection).
I can't say I know how you eel, but I can imagine it. look at where you are now and forget where you were before.
And cry if you need to...it's the perfet catharsis!
x!
I wish i cld tell u to forgive and forget, but i shld know better. I know how it hurts especially when they are the wrong ones and they act like they are right!
Sometimes, u just stop trying and let fate take its toll. if you have done all you can and u r getting no response, put it Gods hands.
The heart of the king belongs to God! He does with it as he pleases.
cry all you want, its good for relief!
:*) big virtual hug!
(((HUGS)))
I really dont think you should be afraid of your tears you know...they are your therapy...your route to recovery...
*sigh
Karma is a bitch and she will repay....trust me, I should know...we went to high school together...
getting it all outa ur system was a good idea,..being treated like this wld make anybody cry....
you are nefertiti still
Why do I keep hearing these awful stories about siblings and family members living abroad?!
I never understand how they could do such things to their own.....
*Sigh......Sweetheart take it easy ok, vent all you want..........you've played your part as a sister and a mature woman, leave the rest to God.
'tis well.......
cry to release your anguish…that is why God gave us tears…then dry your eyes out sweetie.
first find peace inside yourself. sweetie you are hurting really badly. find peace with the past first...remember u survived it...it is ok...it will always be well in Jesus' name
leave the hurt in the past. when u do you know u can reach out without being afraid your hand will be knocked back.
your folks are right he is your brother...u know you will always be there for him no matter what...find strength in that...
As for the rest...leave it to God
gosh this is sad o...funny thing is your brother might not even realise he has hurt you this much..
pls i think you should communicate with him and let him know how you feel...
pele love
p.s
he might never change but in writing this and with the constant attempts to keep in touch it shows that u have...it shows who u are... nothing in this life ever stays the same so know that there is real strength in your adaptability
pp.s
i have a older brother with a Zeus like complex... result was he and my other older brother fought last year and still aren't really talking...
as for me, he greets me with grunts or engages in simple generic conversation only...it used to bug me but not anymore…he is not better than me…I am not better that him…we are from the same source…we are both God’s children…so when he starts or gets in one of his moods, it doesn’t phase me anymore... i just ignore it and go about my business cos i've let go of my hurt (for fear it would turn to hatred)
he’s not supportive towards me anymore really, especially when he thinks that my problems are self inflicted…but I’d like to think he will always be there for me if shit happens...
i know u don’t think that is the case with u guys but maybe he is ashamed that he didn’t come to see u. I know that i can't speak 4 him but behind every action is a reason. time will tell
ppp.s
even if you have to go thru the motions with him…just concentrate on you and yours being happy… it is well…
Awww dear So sorry you had to go through all that. Its good you have a forgiving spirit.
I hope your brother sees the errors of his ways before its too late. Anybody would be proud to have you as a sister. Its a shame really if he is like that.
As for the wife, I hope none of her children turn against one another for her to know what she put you through.
Human beings can be funny. We either love them or hate them. Pele dear its ok.
He lives 15mins away? Treats u coldly on phone? Does he know how you feel?
My dear, you have tried so much. kpele.
eya.. sowry o......... how can I make ammends for the blog roll mishap?
This is so touching..
I feel your pain. I've stayed with my brother before and he shut me out. I'm just learning how to forgive him now after four years. (Mumsy is always,go and see him,call him,do this,do that) But I was not ready cos I felt hurt and betrayed by my own brother.
I tried not to take it on his wife,but sometimes my temper cant handle it cos sometimes I can believe she doesn't have a hand in the issues. Anyway try and forgive him not bcos of anything but bcos of your neice and nephews. Wish u luck hun.. No need crying pls.
:) I too tell myself to snap out of it when i cry.
Neffy baby my heart goes out to you my dear. I can only imagine how you feel- especially with the fact that it's your blood. Have u tried talking to him on a one-to-one basis? Or maybe get your parents involved? What ever the case may be i think it's important that you let him know how you feel and what it's doing to you.
One thing i need you to remember is that human beings will let us down. Our father, mother, siblings, spouse can let us down but the one person that will always be our friend and love us unconditionally is God, Jesus Christ. Also this may sound silly, but pray to God to heal your heart/ your hurt so you can let go and forgive.
As for your brother's wife.....there is no need to try and be friends with her. It's your brother u need to work on.
Makes me wonder how siblings can do that to each other. Someone you grow up with...sometimes i think its our parents' fault for not developing a close relationship btw sibs from the very beginning n then they try to do that now that everyone is all grown up and moved on with their lives.
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I tell myself that is one thing I would never let happen with my children when I have them. I have to develop the relationship from their infant days so when they grow up they will not depart from it. HMM....that's why God is very IMPORTANT in the family.
Cry if you need to.
I hope writing this helped you to let go of some of the pain/heal. I definately felt the raw emotion reading this.
I hope that somehow, you and your brother are able to make amends and work things out.
Be well.
Awww Nefie darling..no one deserves to go through this..
It's ok to cry, u r human after all and Jesus did cry..
I'll be praying ur bro comes round sooner than later.
Lots and lots and lots and lots of hugs, kisses and love!
Awwwww...I'm a few days behind so i'm hoping you had a good cry and it helped some...no one deserves to go through this...
Everyone has been encouraging and i can only echo their sentiments. I can't help but wonder if your parents are aware.
Keep doing what you can. God will reward you for not paying evil with evil.
sometimes crying helps..
It's a sad situation to have been in.. And tough things you've been through..
I should probably say that which doesn't kill you can only make you stronger..
While they might have mentally scarred you with the way they treated you..
You're a stronger better person than they are today... Able to rise above adversity and still reach back..
Stay strong dear.. You'll be in my prayers..
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