UPDATE TO: How far would you go?- On cheating...

I have added my response to your comments as an update to the blog because I have additional questions for some of the commenters (sp? lol) Please be sure to let me know what you think about the follow up questions. You male bloggers will not kill me o!

I'll start by giving you my definition of cheating. Cheating to me is doing anything that you are not able to do in the presence of your partner to or with another individual. During courtship, my friends would think I was crazy when I would allow the Mr. to stare at a lady with a fat yansh, or a low cut blouse. WAIT, WAIT! before you think I've lost my mind. Here's how I analyzed it. Men are physical beings, and even if I were beyonce or halle berry, he would still ogle the opposite sex when I wasn't looking. So I figured instead of setting myself up for an early death from disappointment or High blood pressure, why don't you let him stare to his heart's content? He ain't touching nothing *insert evil laugh* and if he gets a woody, take him home and make good use of that woody ;-)plus na the chic dey sell property nau, I'd even be the person to call his attention to it sef. (Why do ladies feel they have to 'nekked' themselves to draw attention to their sexiness? I don't get it. Why buy the cow when you can drink the milk?- Story for another post)

So recently, we saw the video of Trading Places by Usher on YouTube, amidst talks of his wife being banned from the set after she pulled a tantrum on the set of "love in this club". I was appalled at how far he went with the actress in the video (Yes I know he's an entertainer and all, BUT). I was telling the Mr. that if I were his wife, I'd have set that boundary a long time ago. Usher does not have to try that hard to make the ladies hot. He's got that boyish charm that doesn't require effort to make the ladies want to take their VS off. So the question was posed to me, Nefertiti, do you think Usher cheated on his wife by the content of that video, and I must say that I'm torn because I can argue both sides of the equation quite well.

For men, for the most part, cheating is defined as going all the way with another female. So if you ask man, what would you do if your wife or woman went to dinner with another man, they'd probably ask you if she slept with the man. If you answer no, they'll probably say they'd forgive her. Should you say yes, you might hear responses like "damn, I don't know", "I'd dump her ASAP", "Say What?"... If you ask a woman however, she'd ask you back things like "Does he love the other woman?" "Why did he do it?" "Maybe it's something I did" *insert a WTF look* That's the one that bugs me the most. Like why do you feel you might have done something wrong for him to cheat on you? How about maybe he's just a no-good-two face-lying ass-nucca who would bang his mother if she were available? Anyways, I digress.

Although I think most women would agree with me on the definition of cheating, I also think that most men would have the "Go all the way theory" for cheating. So tell me peoples, how do you define cheating? and how long a leash would you give your partner before you kick their ass to the curb? How far would you go to consider your own actions cheating?

Oh, I can run my mouth now. I VOTED, DAMMIT!

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Bumight, congratulobia :-D

Funms, Yep. I agree. That's the weird thing about men. They can do all that mess, but let another man handle their women like that, dem eye go red.

Secret Dairy, better not let K whoop ur ass... lol. I have no idea who you are, and I can't figure you out by reading ur blog. What category am I spsd to vote u for huh?

AWLD: Hmm. In thot too? Interesting. It's always a good idea to set those boundaries early.

Temite: Fa eti e, ko lo si class.

Bumight (Again):I agree.

RocNaija: Hmm. Depends on what his Definition of "Sexual relations" is. Apparently, he doesn't consider Monica 'swallowing' as SR.But anyhus, I am a fan- 'atic' of Ushers' but I do realize that he's a married man, I expect his conduct to change to accomodate his marital status. And the answer to your question is NO, I wouln't marry an entertainer in the first place, becos I know I prolly couldn't handle groupies (I'm fixin to slap a heiffer who comes too close). A pre-nup is always a good idea ;-)

Afrobabe: Always an exception to a woman's reasoning, u are. Are u sure about that? Are u saying if ur man spent all his time with another woman, confided in her instead of you, but tells you he's not sleeping with her, you wouldn't care? Interesting!

Jinta: He is. And it's confirmed. I HATE U! lol How can u say that? Because you don't get caught doesn't make it right. Please tell me u are just tryna raise my BP... lol

DBagg: Yep, ur assumption on my definition is spot on. Tamekka messed herself up by acting out of character on set. Now all them skinny heiffers know how to get her goat. She set herself up for more heartache.

Dabizniz: Huh? Not getting caught? Looks like u male bloggers want to gimme HBP but God no go gree una. Does not getting caught make it right?

Miss DM: Yep, I have that same thot about cheating (I'd be hurt more if I found out he loves the other woman) I dunno about the one strike and then u're out thing tho. If ur spouse cheats on u, would u kick him to the curb? Altho it's not right, I think cheating in marriage tends to be often forgiven. What do you think?

Sirius: LOL @ 'and if u don't have a conscience..." It think most men don't if so. I like ur "Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you" Parallel.

K: Tell it girl! Don't u just hate that shit? They ask for the girl's number, but they already made up their mind that they gon' hit that if the situation ever presents itself. Yep I agree. I made up my mind early about entertainers. I respect the women who marry them. I sure as hell couldn't do it. I think I'd snatch a heifer's eyeballs out her skinny forehead if she so much as licks her lips at my man.

SIDENOTE to K: Gurl, I have no idea. I went to his site to investigate him, and I couldn't figure him or her out. Maybe u can. I told him u gon kick his ass tho... lol

Jaguda: True talk, my brother. True Talk!

NBee: Yep, I would like to know so I can start taking steps to change it (when I was single tho, I'd go on a flirting rampage after kicking the nucca's ass to the curb ;-)) Your last line had me thinking tho. We dance back from the situation as woman too tho, do you know that? cos If we are having long, romantic talks with a member of the opposite sex, we do not acknowledge having cheated until we are either caught, or we end up sleeping with the guy. Hmmm *Nefie still thinking*

Burracup: But then, burracup. If ur partner did what Usher did under the label of "I'm an entertainer" like the male commenters have pointed out, what would you do? He's ur hubby. Would u kick him to the curb? Divorce him? How far would you go to show ur disapproval?

Temite (Again) See me see dem o! lol. I like the "Do unto others..." parallel. U no get umbrella ni? Fine gyal like u...lol Yeah, u got serious issues, girl.

Luscious: Abeg helep me o, my sista. I don talk say God no go gree dem kill me with High blood pressure. What if you aren't caught? Isn't it still cheating?

Qmoney: Hmm. U do have a double standard, sistah gurl. Lemme give you an example. What if if ur man spent all his time with another woman, confided in her instead of you. Would you then say he is cheating, or would you wait till u catch him on top of the other woman? Investigating u just means I paid ur blog a visit ;-) Congratulations again.

Jide: Np sir. I like ur Unfaithfulness analogy. To answer your question, I think a wet dream is just biology. Altho some might argue that it is cheating in your mind. the mind is very powerful, and so I won't call THAT cheating.

JT: lol... She said chics are paranoid. I think we are just different from the male specie in our views on cheating. You didn't ramble. You made absolute sense! and I agree.

Rayo: I'm not sure how Funms would answer that question, but permit me to butt in here. If you are having intimate conversations with him that you cannot have in fron of your man, then I would term that cheating on some level. I love u, but that's my take on things.