*Perfection... Am I worth it?*

Two pink lines? Really? Are you serious?

Honey, am I seeing right or is this really what I think it is?

mmhm.

OMG! My life is over! I can't drop it like it's hot anymore, I can't drink baileys till my eyes cross anymore! I can't rock my high heels anymore! Oh God! Dissappearing waistlines, saggy boobs, stretch marks, disfigured butts. somebody hold me, please lawd jeezus! I think I'm going into cardiac arrest!

Babe, chill out. It's not that serious.

WHOT?! WHOT?! That's easy for u to say! All you did was deposit some strong swimmers, u aren't the one who's life is over.

silence

Tears, happiness? Sadness? Bittersweetness? I have no clue.

Sonogram...

It looks like a little button. I don't feel sick. I don't feel different. I am waking up expecting the wretching, sometimes praying for it just so I can share my misery with somebody, anybody.

Month 3...

I'm very self conscious. My clothes fit just the same, but I think I'm developing BDD. Are my boobies bigger? OMG I'm getting fat. I resolve to starve myself because I don't want to get fat. My aunty says my teeth will fall out. Oh well, who cares? As long as I don't get fat!

Month 4...
What do u look like now, let's see. Euuuugh! u look like ET. better start praying! I bind every spirit of ugliness! You must be fine by fiyahhhhhhhh! U have a tail too? OMG! I'm gonna have nightmares.

Month 5...
The doctor doesn't know what ur sex is. You keep crossing ur legs. Well I sure hope u r a girl cos hmmmmm... I dunno if you guys cross ur legs up in heaven, but down here, MEN DO NOT CROSS THEIR LEGS LIKE THAT...

Month 6...
Zoning out at work these days! Babies r us and Baby Depot are my best buddies at work. I'm getting uglier by the day. Aunty says to take consolation in the fact that the uglier I am, the more handsome/prettier you'll be. I got 3 more months. I think I can handle it if you just promise me to come out looking cute. I can't have endured this ugliness for nothing!

Month 7...
I'm still freaking out! I don't even like babies. And I've always felt they don't like me. We don't get along well. What if you don't like me? What if I drop you? What if I make a mistake? What if I hate you? worse still, what if you come out asian? caucasian? White... aww hell nah! the devil is a liar. I ain't been hopping on no other sugar sticks, so that one is a lie of the devil!

Month 8...
If tears could turn into money, I'd be richer than Oprah by now. Little one, I hope you're worth it. I have my doubts! U haven't shown me ur bum, and I haven't seen ur face. Is this a set up? I mean I know u aren't photogenic like ur mommy and all, but pweeety pweeeease can u gimme an idea?

Month 9...
Ok already! Come on out! It is judgement day today! Show urself! wait wait... what if u come out Asian, white? Spanish...lol I ain't even spoken to Jose in years. Hmmm maybe he asked one of his Mexican gods to do me strong somtin... The devil is a liar... What if I'm not a good mom? what if you don't like me? What if I'm not strong enuff? What will sex be like after? What if down there becomes like 'konga' (a well)? If the place slack nko? If e tear nko? Will he be there holding my hands like I see other couples do on discovery channel? Will I look cute? Will he like me afterwards? What if he abandons me in the hospital? What if I become depressed afterwards?

Water breaks... Contractions 6hrs later... somehow, all the above become non-existent. I am having an out of body experience. My man is there! O yes indeedy, he is (U know I'd have castrated him otherwise) Nurse says push... I see red... the gates of hell beckon, I also feel the pull of the pearly gates... Little one, ur ass better be worth it... FOCUS, NEFERTITI! PUSH!!! I can't do this, I'm gonna give in. One line pumps me with some Adrenaline

'We are going to have to cut her' SEE DIS OLOSHI NURSE O! U WAN SPOIL MY LIFE ABI? CUT WETIN? OH NO, HEIFER! U AIN'T CUTTIN NUFFIN. ONE HAND ON THAT SILVER THING, AND IMMA GO POSTAL ON UR ASS!

I tell my physical body to FOCUS! We can do this! We will do this... God will not let you fail now. He will complete it! You can do it! FOCUS! and push...

17 minutes later...no complications, no tears (I mean... scissors and things all down yonder)whatsoever,

PERFECTION in my arms. A bundle of perfection... Gut wrenchingly beautiful!

The tears flow freely. I am humbled by the task of motherhood that I have been chosen perform. Am I worth it?