The maintenance man

At approximately 10.24pm last Friday, my phone rings. I pick it up absentmindedly

"llo" I said.

"OJ, you're not gonna believe what just happened to me..." My BFF, kike says

"No?... surprise me" I said. Up goes my gist antenna. I am a gist whore, no need to deny it. You could always get me out of a rut by telling me you had some spicy gist.


"seriously though, guess"

"Wharrapun, u don get belle?" I said, chuckling a little at my crass joke. I must mention that we had a whole 'nother langauge too, hence, 'Wharrapuned'. (What happened)

"Nah gurl, I'm about to be Mrs somebody"

"Ermm... not following you here..."

" I'm engaged dummy"

"ehn? iz (It's) a lie. Kike, I will fly to Rhode island and kick your ass all the way back to Naija if you post me"

"If I'm lying then I'm dying"

Silence

"OJ, u there?"

Silence. Then,

"CONGRATULATIONS" I shouted into the phone

But why the silence, you may ask... I'll tell you why.

Kike was my roll dog, partner in crime. We've both pulled off some crazy stunts that date all the way back to Primary school. We both knew each other like we knew ourselves. From dirty little secrets to our first kiss, to when we both let go our V cards. She was my alibi when shit was about to hit the fan, or I had some party to go to that if our parents were to know, there'd be hell to pay, and I was hers. How and when did Kike start dating this guy? Why didn't I know about the relationship? I was shocked that I didn't know the genesis of this relationship, disappointed . I told her everything that happened in my life, as dry as that was these days...

"OJ, o' n sun ni... why are you quiet" She was beginning to sound concerned and I wanted her to have no worries..

"So, when am i getting my dress?" Yes, we could usually skip some preambles too because we just knew each other that well.

"I'm looking at this pweety dress from Davids' bridal, but then again, it's your choice. You however don't have a choice about looking fly, cos i will fire you sharpish"

I laughed.


"You know we have to hook you up at that wedding o..."

oh so it's come to this? 'u have to hook ME up'? hmm... okay OJ, get over yourself already...

"Gurl, you know it"! I said instead.

We talked about making preparations for the big day in 9 months, preparations for our parents to come over, His name was lanre she had said. Including how they had met, how he proposed, among other things.

"Did I tell you he used to be based in DC too"? She asked

"Yeah? He was?"

"Yep, he's so cute, OJ. I just know you 2 are gonna get along just great!"

"LOL! Why? Because he's cute or the fact that he's a nice guy..."

"Gurl, BOTH! Why do you think I'm hurling his ass down the aisle... Oh by the way, we'll be coming over next weekend and crashing at your place. Is he invited, or shall i tell him to stay at a hotel?"

"You already know he can stay, silly, plus I know your lirrule horny tail ain't gonna stay over at my crib, when you got a man... what nonsense are you saying"

"Great! He's so excited to meet you"

"As I. You better tell him to come with his A game o, I don't play that."

"But of cos, you already know!"

It's Saturday, October 11. Kike will soon be here. I better start finalizing preparations... I wonder if this guy is as cute as she says. You know how they say 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' . Will he be TDH(Tall, Dark, and Handsome) like we both fantasized when we were younger? okay okay... I didn't say I wasn't a little vain.. jeez

My phone rings shortly "OJ... we'll soon be there... DC is as crazy as ever, omo, how do you cope in this place... jeez..."

"Na you sabi, you think you are from upstate now, so you can be yarning opaks abi... yeye someborry" I said. Lanre laughs in the background. He has this deep, rumbling laughter, like he had no care in the world. I like him already. He laughed like somebody I used to know. We talked about her flight and how delta airlines sucked big time, and hung up. Now I'm very excited to see my girl, Kike and this foin brother that's about to be 'our' husband.

My door bell rings a few minutes later . "shi 'l'ekun joo" Kike and this her impatience sha. Did she expect me to be in the parking lot?

"Iyawoooooo, so wa pa?" I hugged her so tight. Damn I had really missed my girl. We've been through thick and thin. This was my sista from another mother. I loved her with all my heart.

"Mo wa pa... ahh kini poison to n se yi?" She asks, referring to my cooking.

"Just tryna be a good host to our husband now, you know left to me, if it were just you, mickey d's ni o ma je"

We both laughed. "Oko wa da now, why are you hiding the brother ehn?"

"He's gone to find parking. This place seems to have shrunk since HU days (Howard University), girl. Y'all must brush each other on the street.........."

He walks in.... At first, it must be a bad dream, I thought. This is not happening. Please God, I know you have a sense of humor and all, but please let this just be one of my crazy imaginations. Maybe he was just stopping by to say hello. But then again, I hadn't seen or spoken with him in 5 years. What the hell was he doing in DC? Didn't he say he'd be moving to....damn! Where did he say he was moving to again?.... As recognition hits him, time seemed to stand still.

Somewhere in the distance, I hear Kike, in that love infested sing song voice "Hey sweetie, you finally have the honor of meeting Ms Ojuolape Ajayi".

Well I'll be damned.... It was OLanrewaju Mcdaniel AKA low-life, two-faced SOB, lying ass muther... I could go for days and still have enough swear words in my vocabulary for this vermin....

Kasala don burst....








TBC